She had never been in love
by Pathatlon
Summary: Herminoes POV on how life is after Voldies death. Short fic - Snape/Bashing. HG/SS?


**Recomended Disclaimer:**  
_Don't own anything. All you recognise from the World of Harry Potter belongs to J.K Rowling. I do not make any profit from this.  
_  
She had never been into love. The game between two people of different gender or in some cases the same gender. Football. That was the word she could describe love with the best. The two involved, if not more, playing the ball to each other, in such cases, comments to attract the others attention. Quidditch, beating the Quaffle between each other.  
  
_**Sigh.  
**_  
She had never understood love. She sometimes wondered how it would feel like, but then again. Just looking at people when they're in love. Some of them act irrational and foolish. Jealousy would arise at the smallest things. She did not want not to be able to speak with her friends, without her boyfriend getting jealous. She had seen the looks some of the girls gave her. Being best friends with Harry Potter and Ron Weasley, most eligible bachelors at Hogwarts, made people stare at her. The rumours were plenty.  
  
_**Sigh.  
**_  
So many times had she been accused of having drugged her friends into loving her, she pretended not to care, but she really did. It hurt so much. People might as well call her ugly in front of her. It was the same. She had never drugged her friends with love potions nor would it ever happen. The three was family, nothing more. No one ever understood. It would likely change.  
  
_**Deep breathes.  
**_  
Seventh year, Christmas. Harry had defeated Voldemort and celebration was in order, before all going home in the vacation.  
  
Hermione stood watching the people scattered in the Great Hall. All were smiling brightly. She had even encountered a Ravenclaw boy just kissing a Slytherin. They did not even know each other, but they just started snogging! Hermione would never understand it.  
  
_**Twinge in her heart.  
**_  
No one would ever just turn her around and kiss her like the Ravenclaw had kissed that Slytherin. Some boys had looked at her, but it was without interest. Harry was too busy running around with Ginny and showing his affections, and Ron had captured Lavender with his charm.  
  
But what about her? Had they completely forgotten about their best friend? The party had been going on no more than three hours, starting out with a half hour of greeting the students, getting ready and then at seven thirty they started dinner. Dinner took around an hour and then people began moving around to dance. Just after half an hour after dinner, it was around nine at that time, people had begun showing affection without even being drunk – booze was not allowed. Being Head Girl gave her the allowance to leave Hogwarts grounds. But only to Hogsmaede, no further. She hadn't intended to get further away. Just away from the sucking student body.  
  
So Hermione had just walked towards the exit of Hogwarts and went to the Three Broomsticks to indulge herself in whisky. Of course, if Hermione thought she would be free from lovers, she was wrong. Hogsmaede was just as bad as Hogwarts. Only it was much older people. It was sickening.  
  
"Don't you think you should lay off, Hermione?" said Madam Rosmerta and looked at the young lady sitting on a barstool at the counter.  
  
"I think not!" Hermione mumbled coldly and let a galleon fall onto the counter where it spun around neatly, before falling onto its side with a 'clink'. She had paid for her drinks and she had more money. There was no way to stop Madam Rosmerta from refilling Hermione's glass.  
  
"Hermione," she said with an understandable voice. Though, Hermione knew that the Madam had no idea of what to understand.  
  
"Please," Hermione drawled annoyed and shoved her empty glass towards the Madam.

"I take it from here," a distant voice spoke. Madam Rosmerta retreated and went to serve the hundreds, or so it seemed, other costumers with beer and whisky.  
  
"Hey! I need refilling!" Hermione said faintly and annoyed.

**_Blasted_**

**__**  
"Miss Granger I don't think that would be wise," the distant voice had become clearer, and Hermione remembered it from somewhere.  
  
"Leave me alone professor," she said without turning to meet him.  
  
"Miss Granger, I don't see why you are getting drunk like this, almost as if you are sad. The War is over and you should be celebrating with all the other students in the Great Hall, not being here getting drunk alone..." he sounded almost caring, but Hermione knew better.  
  
"And in such case as you say, why are you doing here? Getting trashed yourself because of the Mark?" Hermione had turned to face her potion master. She tried to steady had gaze, but he was too hazy, come to mention it, everything seemed hazy.  
  
"No," his voice was silky and almost overbearing. Overbearing, HA! The last this he wanted was to have a drunken student on his hands. Let alone Gryffindor, not to mention Hermione Granger best friends with Harry Potter and the Gryffindor know-it-all, she knew him too well. "I saw you leave the Great Hall and when you never returned, I guessed you had gone for a nightly stroll down here..."  
He sounded as if he had watched her the night out.

_**Sigh.**_

"Watching me, professor?" She snorted coldly and got down from the stool. She stumbled lightly, but was caught by the potions master's strong arms.  
  
"Your breath, miss Granger," he wrinkled his nose uncomfortably. She had never seen him like that. Then again, her gaze was blurred and not feeling like her own, and she was not able to think straight. It might just be she was imagining it all.  
  
"Leave me alone, you're not real..." Hermione blurred drunken and moved away from him. He caught her arm before she was able to disappear between the great crowds inside the Three Broomsticks.  
  
"Miss Granger," Snape said tightening his grip in her arm. She wailed angrily and forced herself in between masses of humans, shrugging Snape off at some point. She opened the door and stumbled outside in the fresh air, which filled her nostrils. She had completely forgotten about air while being in the Three Broomsticks. Moving in the direction of another pub, though, Hermione was soon caught up by the potion master again. Though, this time he seemed much more pissed.  
  
"I would advice you to follow me back to Hogwarts, miss Granger," his tone was low and dangerous, but she did not care. The fact that Hermione had lived her life in books had made people distant themselves from her. She would not expect someone to suddenly kiss her or declare his undying love to her; that was the problem. She was not a real teenager who snogged in the corners of the library instead of reading in them. Bookworm, utterly unattractive. Mixing booze in it all made her feel more worthless than she had started out feeling.  
  
"Why is that? Bugger off! Get wasted yourself!" Hermione had raised her voice and the people near, sent them odd glances.  
  
"Now!" Snape nearly yelled as well.  
  
"No!" Snape moved towards her and lifted her from the ground and bended her over his shoulder. She was slamming her fists into his back, but it didn't hurt. She was too drunk to hurt anyone but herself.  
  
"Hush you silly girl. Can't believe I went after you! This is how you repay me?" Snape snarled as he made his way through the happy crowd. There was so many people that it was hard to get away.  
  
"I never asked you to fetch me!" Hermione snapped back angrily. Her cheeks burned from anger and drunkenness and she was still hitting him, but it seemed quite useless, she wasn't getting anywhere. "Leave me alone or I'll scream!" Hermione warned. Snape stopped abruptly for and Hermione thought she had won the battle.  
  
"Miss Granger shut up!" He finally spoke. "Don't draw attention like this, you're worse than Potter!" Snape said annoyed and adjusted his hold in her.  
  
"Shut up yourself! I hate you so much! You are the worst man I've ever known!" Hermione enlightened him as Snape resumed his walking towards the exit of the wizarding town. "Set me down this instantly or I will kick you so hard!" Hermione began making spasm, kicking wildly with her legs and hitting him in the back with her hands. He tried to stop her from kicking too much, but it was difficult.  
  
"Miss Granger I will not put you down. Stop kicking!" Snape said annoyed and held around her legs tightly.  
  
"You didn't have to go get me! I know exactly what I'm doing!" Hermione said unclear and angrily and resume her kicking, but without much luck. She felt exhausted, too exhausted to try and beat him. Hermione slumped into a doze of fuzzy thoughts and the uncomfortable position he was carrying her in.  
  
**_Tired_**

She felt the ground under her feet, he had let her down and she collapsed, but Snape caught her.  
  
"Had I nice sleep?" He watched amused as she tried to open her eyes, but she was too drowsy.  
  
"Sod off!" Hermione returned and finally managed to open her tired eyes. They were standing outside the entrance of the castle. Snape sighed tiredly at her as she retorted angrily. He had never seen her behave like this before. "Leave me alone, I do whatever..." She took a step away, but was overwhelmed by the whisky in her blood and she immediately felt drunker than she had felt one moment ago. Snape tried to steady her, but she waved his hands away while mumbling something that sounded like "bastard."  
  
Snape opened the door and let Hermione inside, who immediate seized the opportunity to get away from him. Maybe she would be able to get back to Hogsmaede a little later, she wondered and almost ran towards the Great Hall.  
  
"Miss Granger!" Snape yelled furiously and hurried after the drunken Head Girl.  
  
"Sod off!" Hermione spat annoyed. Snape grabbed her arms and Hermione turned around and clenched her fist and stroke. She would have hit him hard and he knew it. If he hadn't great reflexes he would probably lie on the floor with a broken nose. He caught her wrists to make sure she didn't strike again.  
  
"Pull yourself together, Hermione!" Snape said and lifted her off the ground again.  
  
"You pull yourself together you pitiless bastard!" Hermione swore rudely. "YOU FREAKING HATE MUDBLOODS YOU FILFTHY FUCKING BASTARD! I HATE YOU SO MUCH! I SWEAR WHEN I GET LOSE I'LL TEAR YOU APART! IM SO UGLY AND UNATTRACTIVE!" Hermione suddenly burst out loudly. The echo of her voice was carried in the halls of Hogwarts.  
  
"As much as I love to listen to your insolence and your own self-pity, then please shut up for some seconds! The Great Hall is filled with students eating desert right in this moment and you've probably made them hear you! And you're NOT ugly or unattractive," Snape carried her towards the dungeons, he was sure he had some anti-drunkenness potion somewhere. God he hoped he hadn't taken it all last time he had been wasted himself. Poppy had none and it was rare that anyone got drunk.  
  
"Bugger off! You despicable moron! When I get down from here I will hex you so hard into the next week, no century!" Hermione was on the edge of yelling and she had no idea why really. She just didn't felt like being quiet.  
  
"Wow I'm really scared," he mused as he descended some stairs.  
  
"You bloody well should be! Bastard! Where are we bloody going?"  
  
"To my _bloody _quarters," Snape drawled, once again praying that he had something to make her shut up. He didn't feel like putting her under a body-lock spell throughout the night, just being under the spell an hour made you back stiffen.  
  
"Why's that? I swear let me down!" Hermione screamed lividly and started kicking wildly again. "Engorgio!" She yelled, dubious the spell would work; she had not her wand at hand.  
  
"Trying wandless magic? And please, Engorgio? Can't you find something better than a swelling spell?" He mocked and walked further into the hearth of the dungeons.  
  
"I will feed you to a hippogriff! I swear I'll give you to Buckbeak in little pieces!" She tried to escape again, but no luck. "LET GO!"  
  
"Rumba," Snape mumbled.  
  
"What?" Hermione asked confused.  
  
"My password," he answered and went into his quarters.  
  
"Guess Dumbledore picked it out for you, eh? Otherwise it would probably be pureblood or something!" Snape let her slide down from him shoulders and back. She stood rocking lightly as she connected with the floor. He was looking at her intensely as if trying to judge whether it would be safe to let her stand up by herself or if she would fall.  
  
"Wait here," he asked her and left her for some seconds. Hermione's eyes dropped heavily as dizziness rushed over her. She gave a small cry before collapsing into Snape's embrace. He had caught her again. She wished he hadn't.  
  
"Stop catching me! I'm not even sure it will hurt if I hit the floor!" She tried to move away, but Snape lifted her from the ground and walked over to put her on the sofa.  
  
"Unfortunately I have no anti-drunkenness potion left, so we'll have to deal with this old-fashioned..."  
  
"Like it's your problem!"  
  
"It is. You're the brightest student I've ever met and you're getting completely drunk. Throwing off all responsibilities. What's wrong?" His voice was deep and caring. Did he really care? Hermione shook her head.  
  
"Fuck off," she told him bluntly.  
  
"Fuck off yourself," he responded calmly and Hermione opened her eyes and stared at her potion master before laughing hysterically at him. It sounded so odd and you could clearly hear he didn't mean it, but just used the words against her.  
  
"Why won't you leave me alone?" Her face fell and she curled herself up on the couch. Snape took a seat next to her.  
  
"I told you, you're clever and I can't see what has happened that could be so bad to make you throw off all responsibilities. You're not like that, Hermione."  
  
"What do you know about me? Nothing! Just that I always study! That's the problem! Study! I've lived my freaking life in books!" She sighed defeated and let him into her heart. "Voldemort killed my family! Mother asked, begged, me to come back to the muggle world and we should move away so that Voldemort would never find us. I said _no_. I loved the wizarding too much and it killed my parents. Instead of going home to see them in vacations, I stayed behind to use the library! I am a fucking idiot! I put them in danger! I hate myself! And then I have no idea about boys either! Lavender and Parvati has always told me to get out of the library, but I've never listened! Everyone is dating and those who isn't, is just finding together for this night! I should be in there with the rest of the school snogging some guy senseless in a corner! But I'm not! I'm too goddamn careless about those immature boys! I have no love in my life, Harry and Ron has deserted me and I'm all alone!" Snape listened to her and comforted her when tears swelled up in her eyes.  
  
"Hermione, you're not like them and you should be proud of that. You're much better..." he removed her tears with his ebony fingers. "I have never met any student more clever than you..."  
  
"Student," she snorted annoyed. "I don't feel fit in my body. My body's age and my mind's age doesn't fit together," tears were rolling freely down her cheek. Soberness had surrounded her as she entered a serious matter, but she knew if she ever stood up she might faint or vomit all over the place.  
  
"You're more than just a student, Hermione," he comforted her and felt it as the truth.  
  
"I have never been in love. I've only noticed my books. Have you ever been in love?" She met his eyes, and a sudden something rushed through his eyes.  
  
"Yes..." deep breathes, "that's why i'm not acting like you."  
  
"I suspected you might try and do something worse. Having the mark stuck on your arm forever. You're not alone even though you might feel like it. Don't give up, I promise I will always be there to support you..." she promised from her heart and sounding all sober. Snape stood up and Hermione followed his move, but only to be slammed into drunkenness again. Snape steadied her and Hermione smiled vague.  
  
"Still in love? Who?" Something in the back of her mind recalled that he had talking in present.  
  
"Hermione my brilliant student. Why do you think I've been watching you? I've been watching you for months to make sure you're fine. When you never came back I became worried..." he trailed off not meeting her gaze. He had said enough and tried to pull away, but only to have Hermione hugging him tightly.  
  
"Don't leave me," she whispered and looked up into his dark pools. She closed her eyes and brushed her lips against his faintly. "I do not regret standing up for you when other's failed," she hoped her words would give him the idea that this wasn't just something she felt in the moment and not tomorrow. He smiled at her and shook his head. She followed him slowly towards the bedroom.  
  
"I will watch over you tonight, sleep my beloved darling," Severus whispered in her ear as he lay down with her in the bed.  
  
"Severus," she had barely closed her eyes and ended his name, when she was asleep. Severus regarded her for some minutes before kissing her forehead and closing his own eyes to sleep.


End file.
